Friday, 14 October 2011

Feeling a little out of sorts...

Rose has finally gone down for her nap and instead of doing the ironing and putting away the washing like I should be doing, I've made myself a nice cup of coffee and am taking some time out to write this post.
For some reason I'm just feeling a bit down today and just need a bit of 'me' time whilst she's sleeping upstairs...

I suppose this blog is a kind of diary for me, not just about the things I make and do, or of how Rose is getting along but it should be about how I'm feeling.. good or bad. So I'm not going to feel guilty about subjecting you to a little doom and gloom! (By the way the photo's are from our walk yesterday, I will chat about that too.)

I don't know what's got into me today, most day's I'm fairly cheery and happy... it must be the hormones!?
Rose and I went out to her baby gym class this morning, it's basically just a whole load of mums with babies that aren't at walking stage yet, lots of songs are sung and toys are played with. An excuse for mums to get out the house and socialise really...!

For some reason today I just found it quite hard to start up conversations with the other women, I just felt a bit awkward and found myself looking at a lot of the others and thinking how a lot of them looked like they were really good friends and had loads to chat about.

I have a really great group of friends from school and home, and speak to them regularly and they come to visit. But we moved here last year because of Ray's work and I was kind of 'chucked in at the deep end' so to speak and didn't know Anyone! Luckily I met a lovely group of women through my NCT antenatal classes and we meet up fairly often. I also know a nice group of women that I see at a weekly baby/toddler group that I really enjoy but I don't have any great friends that just pop round for a coffee and a natter.

I think maybe some of it is to do with the fact I know we'll be moving back nearer Dorset in a couple of years time so don't feel 100% settled here... I love it here at the moment but know I wouldn't want to live here forever if you know what I mean...

I think I just miss those regular chats you have with your best friends about all sorts of silly things, all this rambling on has probably bored you to death if you've stuck with me and carried on reading! If so, thank you for being patient..! 

Yesterday Ray had some time off so we got out of the house and went for a really great long walk. Sometimes it's just too easy to stay inside and get on with housework, it can always be done the next day instead! :-)

We took a short drive up the road and walked up a huggggee hill, the last time we did the same walk I was about 39 weeks pregnant and Massive, so was desperate to give things a kick-start. Sadly this didn't work and it wasn't meant to be, as my waters broke on my due date a week or so later. We kept meaning to go back again and again but other things always seemed to crop up, it was lovely though as this time it was Ray that was carrying the weight of Rose up the hill!

We definitely don't do enough exercise though because today my shins have been aching like crazy. At least I might have burnt off the chocolate brownies I baked the other evening...

I hope everyone has been having a good week, sorry for boring you and thank you for all the comments that people have left on my blog recently. It means to much to receive them and puts a smile on my face when reading them.


  1. It is so hard when you are in a place where all your very nearest & dearest aren't. When you are newish to a place there is much more pressure to have your best face on all teh time & so it feels worse when you just can't do it. Poor you - I hope you enjoy the me time you are giving yourself (top move by the way) and that you find yourself feeling a little better. Big hugs & enjoy the weekend x

  2. I kind of know how you feel... we've moved around a lot over the last few years, and since we moved to Somerset and I started my business, I've found it hard to know where to meet new people. I have great friends from school and Uni, who I chat to on the phone etc, and lots of online friendships but sometimes it can get lonely. Don't give up, it takes time to form new friendships and relationships but sounds like you are doing good! Hope you feel a bit better soon, have a lovely weekend xxx

  3. awwww sweetheart, to be honest you sound the way ive felt the last 5 years in Devon, i have great friendships in Essex- the sort of ones you can just be 'me' around- chat over silly things- laugh and natter...I'm an Essex girl from the east coast living in Devon- A beautiful place but ive never made deep meaningful friendships here...just casual friends. I often feel left out, alone. I went to baby groups, toddler groups, mummy meet ups...But like you i dreamed of back home, where my friends really are.
    Part of me knows this isnt my forever home, i know i wont be here forever cos ive never felt at home...Ive tried so hard to make it work, but its not. Its really hard sometimes, i find myself breaking down and getting upset that i havent made good friends...But least i can pick up the phone and chat to my good old friends- there at a drop of a hat. I totally get how you feel ;0)x hugs x

    love your photography- beautiful countryside ;0)x

  4. Oh Ashley you poor thing x I think we all feel like this at one point or another but it is jolly hard sometimes, i remember when my very best friend moved to australia, i was so sad.
    Stick in there, you are a lovely lovely lady I am sure special friendships will come x
    Now go have a big cuddle with that beautiful baby of yours :o)
    hope you have a lovely cheery weekend
    love jooles x

  5. Oh Ash, think I'll ring rather then comment on here xx Both you and Rose look stunning xx

    Lettie xx

  6. That pic of you and Rose is so lovely, you are very pretty and Rose is (of course) gorgeous!!

    I think it's only natural to have off days, especially when you have a baby, so don't beat yourself up about it - this blog is for you, it's not all about entertaining us!!

    I finally posted that fabric yesterday!! The sewing room was tidy enough (at last) for me to find it!!

    I don't live far away, maybe we could meet for a coffee? We could have a mooch round The Eternal Maker while we're at it!!


    S x

  7. Oh you are a beauty hun. Gorgeous skin and white teeth. Ahhhh. Sod the mums.
    Remember my recent post about not feeling like I had many friends??
    It was down to the cliques. Toddler groups are RIFE.
    And this is your blog and you are honest. I can't bear mums who pretend their lives are great. Those who do that are merely lying to themselves!!!!!
    Chin up beauty - love that pic of you and Rose. She is waving bless her!!!
    x x x x x x x x x

  8. We are all entitled to offload at some point, it sounds like things have been a bit tough for you. I know what you mean by not having anyone to pop round for a coffee and a chat. I have drifted apart from all my old school and college frineds and have never really made any new proper friends where I live, it does make it hard at times and I do envy people who have a group of really good friends, I would love to have that, hopefully my time will come soon enough.
    The walk you had looks lovely, some great photos. I hope you are feeling brighter soon.
    Big hugs and lots of love Gem x x x x

  9. Can totally relate to this one, and being a stay at home can be isolating at times so it's only natural to have 'off' days. we all have many! Just remember you're not alone and there are some lovely people out there you just have to filter through a few, not so lovely people, to find them.
    Lotsa love to you and your beautiful daughter x

  10. That photo of you and Rose is perfect! Definitely one for a frame. Jealous that you made it out for a walk, we've been meaning to take another long walk for ages - in fact we've decided to take Jake (my stepson) to the outdoorwear shop at the weekend to kit him out with some proper walking boots (he wears enormous fashion trainers with the laces undone most of the time which are no good for hills!).

    It's a coincidence but I met my friend for lunch today and we were talking about groups of mums and friendships. I am always envious of her and my other mummy friends because you imagine that it's the chance to meet lots of other women in the same boat as you. She is always telling me that there are cliques of women at these groups. She was at a baby group this morning and the two usual mums she speaks to weren't around so she was left sitting by herself because the other 'group' of mums didn't invite her to join them for a chat! I can't believe it, it sounded so bitchy, but she is used to it. So anyway, that whopping great story was just to reassure you that you're not the only one this happens to! My friend is lovely, like you, and very chatty/friendly. It's the other mums who have the problem.

    I also know how you feel to miss having proper friends to nip in for a coffee. I live in village where I don't know anyone at all and the neighbours aren't especially chatty either. I'd love to see people more informally for a quick half hour cuppa now and then. If I lived nearby I'd pop and see you loads.

    Keep your chin up dollface, you'll soon be back in Dorset xxx

  11. Huge comment above, sorry. But just thought I'd also say that I'm exploring all of the local WI groups near me to join up - might even set one up in my village. Maybe you could pop along to yours and see if there's anyone nice there? x

  12. I'm so sorry to hear you are feeling down, it must be so hard for you to be living away from your close friends. I don't live too far from longtime school friends and although we don't see each other so often anymore, knowing that they are at the end of the phone if I need them is so important. Maybe you could phone your besties for a natter?? Sorry, I'm affraid I'm never very good at giving practical advice, lol!

    I do hope you are feeling happy again soon... go and give your little Rose a big squeeze...always makes me feel better!! BIG hugs xx

    Louise xx

  13. This takes me back a few years. Mums can be very cliquey and I know what you mean about planning to move away, so not wanting to make good friends anyway! It can be very lonely being a stay at home Mum! Rose is very cute. Love the ripple blanket. xx

  14. Reading your post has made me think of my own wonderful group of friends that I left behind in London a few months ago when we moved up here to Manchester. I'm starting to make a few new friends here in our new home - but it is so hard and some days you feel quite alone and cut off. It's getting better slowly for me though so I'm sure you'll get there too.

  15. The full moon may be making you feel odd, I know I have been for a few days this week. Hope you feel more your upbeat self soon. x

  16. I feel for you as I have been in that very same place, its a horrid feeling. I have some lovely girls friends, thank goodness and walk on a Wednesday with a friend of over 30 years. When we were younger and bringing up our kids we would often call in on each other for a cuppa once or twice a week and would have dinners at each others homes, we are both now without partners and have to work so the cuppa's and dinners don't happen anymore. Hope today is a better day for you. Btw you look gorgeous with your Rose in the photo above.
    x Sandi

  17. I didn;t think that was a moany post at all it was just honest. I have been in the same situation - you look very content in the photo with your lovely baby Rose - enjoy it and don't worry about the house work the dust waits around but babies grow. Take care.

  18. Hellloo,

    Woo I have fixed my commenting problem so I am back able to get in touch.
    I have days just like that and a similar issue that we only moved here 18 months ago so it isn't properly home yet and my best friends all live a little too far away to just nip in. I think you are right about getting out - the fresh air makes you feel loads better. We end up just walking all the time, I am dreading the snow when get stuck inside so am making the most of it.
    I seem to have weeks that are fab and then ones where I feel a bit lonely, which is bizaare since I do see my NCT friends etc. It is such a rollercoaster this baby business!
    I think it is all pretty normal, I guess is what I am trying to say...
    Nelly xx

  19. Fitting in can be such a hard thing to do expecially if your new to an area - I've lived here fourteen years and still struggle, but think of the good friends you will make and take with you when you move back home - even if it is just the one. Though I'm sure it will be handfuls.

    Hope you're feeling better.

    Nina x

  20. I know how you feel as I use to feel like that too when we first moved back to Kent with an 18 mth old and no close friends nearby.
    But it sounds like you do have some good friends, just not at this group, so thats good. I know what you mean though, you cant beat the everyday kind of familiarity and being able to talk about everything kind of relationship if you are lucky enough to get it!
    Hope you're feeling a bit better now,it helps to talk about i think, as it can be so lonely at times with a baby even if you are out and about a lot.
    Gill xx

  21. Just been having a catch up with your pretty blog. Firstly I have to say I am impressed by your dpn kntting AND cables! Wow. They look ace. You must be really proud of your self. I'm so lookinhg forward to being at the satge when I feel confident to give dpns and cable a go.

    You know, us Mum's who aren't locals to where we live have all been through this at some point. I get it all the time. Like you I take pride in my appearance and my husband has a good job so we have a nice home and reliable cars. Some of the mum's have made an assumption about what I'm like. One of them even said to me "Oh you aren't stuck up, I thought you would be" Can you believe that?! I now just keep my head down and stick with those I know better and have more in common with (though it took a while to find these girls who are now my friends).

    I do wonder if these women who don't include us are a little insecure and as they have never needed to make friends as they have never moved away from there school friends just don't know how to include someone or how to start up a conversation from nothing.

    At the moment my close circle of girlfriends are all very much in need of support from one another but we all live hours away from each other. I hate the fact that we are all so far away and sometimes a chat on the phone just isn't enough.

    Anyway, since I missed this post when it was published I am hoping these feeling have passed now, I know only too well how it is to feel gloomy, and so I hope you are feeling more springy now.

    I have to say before I go, you are such a pretty thing, I expect there's jealousy from these excluding mothers too. I over heard a mother from my sons school talking about me once. It was just after we got Big's diagnosis and she was gossiping about it. She said "It's hard to feel sorry for her as she's too pretty and wealthy" Unbelievable. As if my son deserves to have a chromosomal defect because I have this face (that only looks nice with make up on it actually) and my husband has worked so bloody hard!

    I apologise I didn't mean to make this comment a rant about myself, I just wanted to illustrate that it's not just you. And it isn't your fault. There are women in cliques (sp) all over this green and pleasant land!


  22. Holy moly! Massive comment!!!!