Tuesday, 26 June 2012

Oh how time flies!

These day's are just flying by at the moment, I'm shocked every time I look at the calendar and realise we're almost at the end of June. I am now officially 16 weeks pregnant and have a midwife appointment in a couple of day's which I'm really looking forward to as it should be when I hear the babies heart beat for the first time. :-) It's strange not having heard it yet as I had the chance to hear Rose at just 11 weeks last time, after having a bit of a bump in the car and going to A&E to check everything was okay.. which it was thankfully!


Rose is looking so so big these day's... she's even totally got the hang of doing a proper 'high-five'! Sorry about the state of my hands, I'm desperately attempting to grow my nails again but they're still pretty stumpy looking!


We've been enjoying a couple of day's of sunshine in the garden, I'm so grateful we have that outdoor space for her to play in even if it's not a lovely big lawn to roll around on! That day will come along soon enough and at the moment I'm just happy we at least have our little courtyard garden... it must be very difficult when people live in flat with no outdoor space. I think I'd start feeling quite cooped up very quickly..!


Rose is now 17 months old and seems to be going through a phase of early terrible two's behaviour, usually she's such a happy cheerful little girl but recently has been playing up rather a lot. 
My close friend has a little two year old girl that I look after quite regularly (we take it in turns to give each other a little break) and usually the girls are great and play together perfectly so I actually get to relax a little because Rose has someone to play with and isn't bored by herself. 

But then the last two times Rose has been so unlike her usual self, she's been so overly protective over her own toys and not sharing at all, chasing her friend and hitting out/pulling hair - I will add that she wasn't the only one misbehaving at times - I find a lot of the time recently that I just don't know how to deal with her in the right way and for her age. I don't want to be shouting and telling her off all of the time but then also, I don't want to not discipline her enough and then she'll carry on behaving in that way. I mean, how do you make a 17 month old really listen to you and understand that what their doing is wrong. Is it a phase that most children go through? 

It's strange because I was never ever worried about being a good mother when it came to giving birth, caring for a newborn, breastfeeding, being up alllll night... but now that Rose is growing up into a proper little girl I've really started to question what kind of parent I want to be, especially knowing she'll have a brother or sister by the end of the year! I don't want to be a miserable moaning strict mother but then I don't want to be so soft that she doesn't respect me or listen to a word I'm saying. So many things to think about...

Okay, right! Rant over... That's my therapy session over for this evening!


I hope you're all doing well out in blog-land. Tonight I've set my mind to catching up with email replies and blogs that I need to read and comment on.

Lots of love xxxxxxxxxx


18 comments:

  1. Ahh Ashley, that's a lovely, honest post. You're looking really well my sweet. Listen, all children go through phases - it's just part of their continuing development. Rose is probably gently testing a few boundaries because she's got a growing sense of 'self'.

    My only advice would be to be consistent. Children rely on certain boundaries - it makes them feel safe yet gives them the confidence to flourish.

    Trust me, the 'am I doing the right thing?' question doesn't ever stop! My children are 10 and 13 and new situations crop up all the time.

    You're a lovely mummy - it oozes out of your blog posts. Just follow your instincts.

    Heather x

    ReplyDelete
  2. Awww Just like your last comment said children go through lots of different stages.

    As long as you set the boundaries of certain behaviours you wont tolerate she will get the message. They are all different. My eldest at the age your lovely Rose is really responded well to a gentle but firm NO! if touching or doing something dangerous for example, but my youngest different story altogether! lol And still is come to think of it.

    I found a time out on the bottom stair helped a little when they were young but I think they were a bit older than 17months. It is a tricky age. I am sure you will figure out what is best for both you and your little one, it looks like you both have so much fun together and you come across as a great mummy!

    P x

    ReplyDelete
  3. Terrible twos can happen at any time really... some get it over with early like Rose, others have it later. With my little boy it was pretty spot on two and it was such a shock to seem him behave so differently to how he normally was. I found moving him away from what he had been doing and talking to him calmly was the best way of dealing with it, then if he went into a tantrum at least he was away from attention while he got it out of his system. They are all so different though and I really don't think there are any rights or wrongs with what you do just as long as you are always trying to do the best that you can - you obviously adore Rose and really care about how to best manage this phase so you'll be fine :-)

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm echoing the other girls, especially Pink Milk, however you decide to handle it, be consistant and if you say no, stick with it and don't back down no matter how hard it is. That's the boundary markings, so to speak. I always found a quiet voice that had the 'I mean it' tone,and making them look into my eyes when I told them 'no, that's not acceptable' with time out if neccessary seemed to work for my 3. But they are all different and you will find what works for you, just go with your intuition and you will get through it, ready for the next faze :)
    xx Sandi

    ReplyDelete
  5. Rose's hair is growing in so pretty A little curl and kind of auburn.
    I think the 3's are worse than the two's. You could start some time away or time outs. I Good luck. You are a good mom, don't worry.

    ReplyDelete
  6. hello lovely, i do understand how you must be feeling- myself and Twinny keep discussing 'the terrible 2's' as its known. my little niece is going through it and my sister is totally frazzled by it. We are VERY different at parenting I must admit and we dont always agree. My personal way which worked for me- was even when Sophia was young just to make her aware when something was naughty or spiteful even at 1 to 2 yrs...when tantrums first started she would kick out and roll around the floor- I nipped that in the bud by doing 'time out' and she would have a few minutes on her own in her room to calm down. Then I'd go in and explain why she was in there. and i would say she should say 'sorry'. I found tantrums were soon here and gone in a few weeks. she learned that sharing was a good thing and that being naughty didnt get you what you wanted. But my twinny is quite soft and i find my nieces tantrums happen a lot when we are out like throwing herself on the floor in a supermarket and screaming. we have had many discussions on how to handle tantrums but i think my sis thinks they will just magically disappear and to ignore the behaviour.
    Every mothers parenting is different though and i totally respect that, but its good to discus it and see others views. I found my biggest problem with my daughter is food. I've always given her a healthy mixed diet, but she is so picky with food. slowly now improving but at one time she was eating very little and it was scaring me!. I found the doctors very unhelpful and health visitors were more lecturing than understanding. luckily, she now eats a chose of fruit and veg and shopping has become so much easier. meal times less anxious as well. Motherhood is a total learning 'all the way through' experience. Also i have the issue with her father about what they teach her as they are O.T.T strict......im ranting too hehe! xxxx

    rose is sooo adorable xx ive been trying to grow my nails for 5 years hehehe...x

    ReplyDelete
  7. I find that if you explain the reasons why and why not they soon get to grips with good and bad behaviour. I have always reasoned with and explained everything to my little boy mostly he is well behaved. Of course they all have their moments but talking has been the best solution for us. That and the occasion naughty step. Although I have friends that are too strict on their children in my opinion and their kids are always on the naughty step, even if they fidget on their chair at dinner time. Also never shout I think shouting is the worst thing to do as it instils more bad behaviour.
    I am sure you are doing just fine it's a steep learning curve for anyone and every child is different.
    My little 3 1/2 year old is wonderful with my newborn so gentle and caring its wonderful to have two children watching them grow together I hope it continues like this.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I agree with the others too, especially Pink Milk. I think the most important thing is to be consistent. Decide behaviour you will accept and which you won't and don't back down because then it'll make it twice as hard to stick to your guns next time. You don't need to shout (although we've all been there), I always used to get down to her level and make eye contact then talk calmly, but firmly. I always liked to tell her want I wanted her to do but also why, from the youngest age. I was telling my little one (in simple terms) these things at Rose's age for sure. I think little time outs can help too, or just go in another room together. Taking them away from the situation helps them (and sometimes you too) to calm down.

    Don't worry, I'm sure you're doing a great job and I think we do all question ourselves, I know I have on many occasions. Being consistent, and standing your ground now while it's still easy (believe me it can get worse!) and you'll reap the rewards in the future. I'd just say, know that it's not a smooth ride and sometimes things go backwards for a while, but hang in there and they'll come good again!

    It's not easy being a Mummy, that's for sure :)

    Love S x

    ReplyDelete
  9. Awwww Rose is growing fast. It's amazing how time flies. Glad you are feeling well through pregnancy!

    I guess I echo everyone else......consistancy. Every child goes through the stage when they start to become reluctant to share! It's usually short lived though. I guess just be clear to Rose what is acceptable and what is not. The bottom step is good for time out. I still do it for my five year old, and we have the kitchen timer we put in the hall for a couple of minutes. He knows that if he sits there quietly, then when the buzzer goes he can rejoin everyone else if he is well behaved. It works well. It calms him down. He knows if he fights it, the timer length goes up!

    My main piece of advice as a parent is ALWAYS follow through. However hard it may seem, don't apply a discipline unless you are prepared to follow it through. I have tried really hard to do this with my kids. Three boys are a handful, and often its so easy to say something then give in because you are tired or it's an effort. We drove somewhere nice a while back for a day out for the boys, but they were in one of their awful moods. When we got there, I told them they have to behave or we would drive straight back home. They didn't so we got straight back in the car and drove all the way home! I think they were shocked, they thought we were bluffing, but it set a precedent. If I warn them now, they behave because they know I will do it. I had an argument with my eldest last year and he was rude to me (it wasn't bad, he just told me to 'shut up'!), but I wasn't in the mood for it, so he got grounded from everything for 2 months! As soon as it came out of my mouth I realised it was a bit harsh but I had to follow it through once I had said it! He does think twice now though about opening his mouth when he gets in a strop!

    You are a fab mum, and it really does ooze out from your blog. Just go with what you feel is right, and it will be fine!

    I totally agree too, where is this year going?!!!!!!

    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    ReplyDelete
  10. Not wanting to share toys and pulling hair is all normal behaviour for very young children. Rose could be feeling a little bit jelous. Because her vocabilary is still quite small, she is unable to verbalize with her friend like saying I don't want you to play with my toy. She is still unable to verbalize her inner feelings so pulling hair, pushing, biting are all ways that she only knows (or will do in the future) how to let the other child know her feelings. It's all normal. Hard to watch though as a parent. A simple one minute time out would be good and explain that pulling hair hurts (use whatever word she can relate to, my girls knew Boo Boo means hurt). Once time out is over, explain once more that sharing nicely is best, then have Rose hug to say sorry to her friend. Be consistent as that type of disciple works nicely. My kids are now 33 and 24. I also did years of daycare. Once Rose is able to speak more and express her feelings with words, the terrible 2's will fade away. We all go there with our children. You are not alone. We are all behind you too because we care about young mums.
    Diana from Canada (ex Brit)

    ReplyDelete
  11. There's no right or wrong answer, everyone handles their children's behaviour differently. I'm looking after my 18 month old God-daughter at the moment and had forgotten what it's like looking after a baby (mine two are 12 and 9). She gets told firmly 'no' when she's doing something she shouldn't be and soon stops. You have to be firm though and follow it through because babies aren't silly and they would walk all over you if they got the chance! She is such a diva though and does have strops so I can totally sympathise with what you are going through. It won't last for long though, the years soon fly by. Btw, Rose is such a cutie xx

    ReplyDelete
  12. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Ashley, You're not on your own. Rubie has been going through the same patch, she also turned two on Saturday and has turned another diva corner but it's all a learning curve for both me and her but consistency is the key, it breaks my heart sometimes to discipline, we usually take a 'Time out' but it works, they are little testers aren't they? I have seen it happening to others with the most quietest of children too. I thought my situation could't possibly to happen to them, but it has and I have taken comfort in thinking 'Thank goodness I'm not on my own'. Also, I'm not speaking from experience as I have only the one 'Little Bit' at the moment, but I have watched friends who have had more babies in the space of me having Rubie and believe it or not things just fall into place with you all, a new routine will form so please don't worry about anything. You will be just fine. RM xxxx

      Delete
  13. Hi, I just discovered your blog. We're in a fairly similar position. I'm also a stay at home Mum of one(a little boy of 20 months) and also pregnant with the 2nd(19 weeks). I can totally relate to what you're saying about the terrible twos behaviour starting early. My little boy is so good natured but recently there is definitely some cheeky behaviour coming in and I agree that it is really difficult to discipline them a this age. If I shout or talk to him sternly about something he tends to just give me a cheeky laugh. It's really tricky because you do want to nip naughty behaviour in the bud before it develops. Hope your midwife appointment goes well. I heard my little ones heartbeat last week at a consultant appointment(I had a tricky pregnancy last time so being heavily monitored this time!) and it was so lovely. It's really started moving a lot in the last few days which is also so lovely. I'd almost forgotten how lovely. Anyway, will be back to visit your lovely blog again. Fiona x

    ReplyDelete